


knuckles over words

by soulofme



Series: Youth [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bullying, Gen, Implied Levi/Eren Yeager, M/M, Murder, Non-Graphic Violence, POV Eren Yeager, Unhealthy Relationships, Yandere Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), this is more fucked up than i intended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-20 13:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8250170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulofme/pseuds/soulofme
Summary: Eren is Jean's personal punching bag. But Eren is also human, and there's only so much someone can take before they snap.





	

**Author's Note:**

> There's a shit ton of typos in this but it's late and I'm exhausted so I'll probably proofread this again later. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy this!

Jean had my hair balled up in one of his fists. With a vicious sneer, he slammed my head back into the locker. The sound of it echoed down the empty hallway. Connie whistled loudly.

Nick reached forward to grab his arm.

“Jean,” he hissed, grey eyes narrowed. “You’re gonna get us in trouble. Just let him go.”

Jean scowled at that. My puffy lips stretched into a smirk.

“Yeah, Jean,” I cooed mockingly. “ _Let me go_.”

Jean growled and slammed my head back again. I coughed and my spit suddenly tasted like copper. Jean thrusted his knee into my stomach and I choked on the air that whistled past my lips.

He untangled his fingers from my hair. My knees gave out and my body crashed to the ground. I heaved in large gulps of air, my heart racing a thousand miles per hour in my chest. Jean stalked off with Connie at his heels like an obedient puppy.

Nick stayed in front of me. After the coast was clear, he crouched down so that he was in my field of vision. He nibbled at his lower lip softly.

“You good?” he asked. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Sure,” I said softly. I brought myself up with a wince. My entire body felt like it was burning. I shrugged off my hoodie and pushed my bangs away from my forehead. “Thanks.”

Nick pursed his lips and stood up as well.

“You shouldn’t be thanking me,” he muttered. He cupped my jaw and forced me to look at him. He pressed his thumb against my lip. It was swollen from being bitten into in an attempt to conceal my screams of pain. “Jesus, Eren.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not,” Nick said, his eyes flashing dangerously. He groaned. “I’m so sorry, Eren.”

I shrugged. Jean and Nick were friends. Nick would never go against him. Besides, it wasn’t like Jean knew Nick and I were sorta a thing. I didn’t think it would matter if he did, though. Jean would still hate me no matter what. Nick would always be too scared to stand up to him. Things wouldn’t change.

“It’s _fine_ ,” I said, feeling a little irritated. I grabbed my backpack from the ground. Nick helped me put it on. “I gotta go. Levi’s waiting for me.”

Nick pursed his lips.

“You catching a ride with him?”

“I told you this morning,” I muttered. “Project.”

“Project,” Nick echoed flatly. I narrowed my eyes.

“Are you-“

“No,” he said quickly, cutting me off before I could finish my sentence. “Be careful. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He gave my hip a quick squeeze and set off down the hallway. He was probably going to hang out with Jean.

I gripped my backpack straps tighter and went to go find Levi.

* * *

Levi was by my side in an instant when he caught sight of me. I cringed. I probably should have washed up or something.

“Hey,” I said. My throat felt all raw. It hurt to talk.

“What the fuck-”

I clamped my hand over his mouth. Levi got loud when he was angry. I didn’t want to draw any attention to us.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Honestly, I am. Doesn’t even hurt. See?”

I poked the blossoming bruise under my eye to prove my point. I could feel Levi scowling against my palm. I let go of him and slid my hands into my pockets.

“Levi?”

“What?” he snapped. I chewed the inside of my cheek.

“I’m okay. Really.”

Levi’s eyes softened. He reached forward to cup my jaw. He was a lot gentler than Nick. He ran his fingers against my bruises softly. He winced when I did and let go of me.

“What’d Nick do?” he asked. I swallowed roughly.

“Nothing,” I lied. “He wasn’t there.”

Levi sighed.

“Stop covering for him. It’s not gonna help anything.”

“Who said I’m covering for him?” I said, defensively, but it was too late. It was already obvious.

“Let’s just go,” Levi said. “I have to get to work.”

“Can I come?” I asked. Levi gave me a confused look. “Please.”

“Fine,” he said.

I grinned and followed after him to the car.

* * *

Levi worked at a tea shop.

It smelled different every time I went. Today’s scent was lemon ginger. Levi said they had a special tea each month. I knew that already, but I liked listening to him talk. It distracted me from the pain radiating from the back of my head.

Levi cleared off a spot behind the counter so I could do my homework. The shop was only take-out; there weren’t any tables. I thanked him and sat down on the creaky stool without another word.

Business was slow today. I found it difficult to concentrate on my homework. I gave up after a while and looked at Levi.

We had been friends for a while. His cousin Mikasa was my best friend. _They_ weren’t that close, but I liked Levi. He was nice to me. It was a welcome change from other people. I enjoyed his company. He didn’t really talk much, but sometimes I liked having all that silence between us.

Levi finished with his customer and looked at me.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said, and rested my chin on my folded arms.

Levi pulled up another stool and sat behind the counter. I looked at him again.

“That’s kinda unprofessional,” I said. He snorted loudly.

“There’s no one here to see it. I’m good.”

“If you say so,” I murmured. Levi cleared his throat quietly.

“How are you?”

“Tired,” I muttered. “Sad. Hurt. Should I go on?”

Levi groaned softly.

“You gotta fight back, Eren.”

“Can’t,” I said. “He’s Nick’s best friend.”

“Don’t give me that,” Levi growled. “I don’t care if Jean’s the goddamn President. If he comes at you, you give it to him ten times harder.”

I shook my head.

“Can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Levi snapped back. He ran his fingers through his hair. “I just…Jesus Christ, Eren. I’m fucking sick of this shit.”

“You think I’m not?”

“You seem content to be Kirschstein’s little bitch.”

“I’m not anyone’s fucking bitch,” I said, sitting up straight. Levi scowled.

“Why don’t you get angry at _him_ , then?”

“I am!”

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

“I…” I faltered, my voice trailing off into nothing. I groaned. “Nothing. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Nick, right?”

I pursed my lips.

“You can’t get mad at him. Technically, he never told me _not_ to do something.”

“He never helped you either.” Levi drummed his fingers against the counter top. “Why are you still with him?”

“We’ve always been together,” I answered. That was always my answer. It required little to no thought; the words tumbled out easily without any effort on my part.

“Do you love him?”

“Of course,” I said.

Levi studied my face for a while.

“Your ears are red,” he said, and reached over to pinch one.

“It’s hot in here,” I said, swallowing past the sudden lump in my throat.

My ears always turned red when I lied.

* * *

Jean didn’t show up to school the next day. Nick said he had a cold. I didn’t care.

“Sorry about yesterday,” Nick said when he came to pick me up. “Really.”

“It’s fine,” I said. I felt like a broken record. How many times had I said that already? “Forget it.”

Nick nodded uncertainly. He cleared his throat and slid his hands into his pockets as we rounded the corner. Our school was a little ways up the street. We usually walked because we lived so close.

“How’d the project go?” Nick asked.

“Well,” I said. Levi and I hadn’t worked on it. I wasn’t in the mood. Levi had put on some old horror movies and we watched them until we fell asleep. I ended up staying the night.

Nick didn’t need to know that, though.

“That’s good,” Nick said. I knew he wanted to ask something else. “Levi was nice to you and all, right?”

I pursed my lips.

“Why does he bother you so much?” I asked, looking up at him. “He’s nice, you know.”

“He doesn’t,” Nick said, almost defensively. I frowned at his tone.

I hummed noncommittally and looked away. People usually had a lot to say about Levi. The rumor was that he was living with Mikasa because he killed his uncle. No one found any evidence that linked Levi to the crime, but people liked to say it was only a matter of time before he got caught.

I never asked him if it was true. Mikasa never mentioned anything about it either, and we told each other everything. Well, mostly everything. She didn’t know about Jean. He was her boyfriend, after all. She seemed happy with him. I didn’t want to ruin that for her.

The rumors surrounding Levi made Nick, and many of our other classmates, uncomfortable. That’s why he was always nervous when I told him Levi and I were gonna be hanging out. If he had his way, he’d probably supervise us like a helicopter mom would watch over her children.

“You gotta be careful, Eren,” Nick said once we were closer to school. “That dude…something’s off with him.”

“Then I guess he and Jean have something in common,” I said before I could think about it. Nick exhaled quietly.

“Eren…”

“I know,” I muttered. “Whatever. Sorry.”

"Okay," Nick replied. We were at school then, so he pressed a kiss to my cheek and told me he'd see me later.

I wasn't sure that I  _wanted_ to see him later.

* * *

"One of these days, someone's gonna fuck him up."

I looked up from the poster board I was crouched over. Levi was staring at his computer, rapidly typing something. It was probably the essay that had to accompany our poster.

"Who?" I asked.

"Jean," Levi said. He looked up to meet my eyes. "Someone's gonna get sick of his shit."

"Maybe someone already is," I said.

Levi tilted his head to the side a bit.

"Are you?"

"What?"

"Are you sick of him yet?" Levi asked. I blinked a few times in surprise.

"No," I said. "I'm fine."

"Huh," Levi said softly. "Essay's done."

The printer next to him came to life. I watched as Levi collected the papers and stapled them together. 

"How's the poster looking?"

"Good," I said.

I sat back on my heels.

"It's kinda ironic, don't you think?" Levi murmured.

"What is?"

"Our project," he said, jerking his chin towards it.

I looked down at the title I had written neatly across the top.

_The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships._

Huh. Very ironic indeed.

* * *

Levi became more distant. I wasn't sure why he seemed to be avoiding me, but I chose not to ask him about it. I hated confrontation.

I found myself hanging out with Nick more. My past self would have been overjoyed at the opportunity to spend time with my boyfriend. My current self was not particularly pleased. 

I wasn't sure why my affection for Nick was waning. I wondered if it had anything to do with how long we were together. We had been dating since freshman year; we were nearly through our senior year now. It was easy to say that time had driven a wedge between us, but I knew better than that.

Nick probably did too. But neither of us made a move to end the relationship. Things between us were easy. We knew each other. We were  _comfortable_ with each other. We knew each others habits, what made the other tick, and other useless things like that. It would be too much of a hassle to get into another relationship at this point. I figured we might as well ride this thing out until graduation. That was what most people did anyway.

Jean found me shortly after getting over his cold. He punched me hard enough that there was no way he didn't break my nose. Supposedly I told Mikasa what he did to me and she broke up with him.

I hadn't said a word. I honestly wished I  _could_ take credit for it, though.

My eyes unintentionally sought out Nick's. Jean froze, knuckles mere millimeters from my face, and looked at Nick.

"You," he began, walking towards him with purpose. I leaned back against the wall and watched. "Did you fucking say something?"

"What?" Nick's eyes were practically bulging out of his skull. "I didn't say shit!"

"I always thought you were a pussy," Jean said, laughing cruelly. He pointed back at me with one of his crooked fingers. I wanted to break it. "That why you always stand there lookin' like you're about to cry? You got a soft spot for Jaeger?"

Nick looked at me.

"Well," I rasped, my lips tilting into a smirk. "You got a soft spot for me?"

Nick's jaw dropped open. He looked from Jean to me before he shook his head rapidly.

"I don't know what he's talking about," he said quickly. "Seriously, I don't!"

"Good," Jean said. He turned back to me and sent his fist sailing into my stomach.

I looked into his furious hazel eyes and began to laugh. Connie and Nick stepped back from me, their eyes wide with horror. I didn't care. 

Blood dripped into my mouth. Jean hit me harder and harder, grunting with the effort. Black dots danced violently in my vision. Everything was a blur of colors. I couldn't hear much other than the thud of Jean's fists against my body and the sound of my high, crazed laughter.

" _Shut up!"_

Jean began slapping my face. My lip split and blood went spraying against the floor of the boys' bathroom. The bell rang overhead and the hallways began to get filled with the sounds of various conversations intermingling. None of it bothered me. I didn't care if someone would see me.

I  _wanted_ someone to see me.

"Enough!"

Nick yanked Jean back. Jean struggled against his hold, but it didn't do much. Connie stood in front of the door like some kind of poor attempt at a watchdog. He looked like he was gonna piss himself. I smiled at him and he all but ran out of the bathroom.

Jean looked up at Nick. They were both panting. Neither of them seemed to realize I was still there. I didn't care if they did or not. I was tired. I was really, really  _tired_.

Jean left the bathroom without another word. Nick stood in front of me, his chest heaving.

"What the fuck, Eren?"

"What?" I murmured sleepily. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Why would you say that?!"

Nick was in front of me in seconds. My eyes snapped open.

"Say what?" I growled venomously. "The truth?"

"I didn't tell Mikasa anything," Nick said. He sounded desperate. "Why would you...Jesus Christ Eren!"

It didn't bother me that he seemed more concerned with his damaged friendship with Jean than with my physical state.

Nothing about this bothered me anymore.

"I'm sorry," I said insincerely. "I'm really sorry."

Nick ran his fingers through his hair.

"Jesus Christ," he said again, softer, and grabbed me by the upper arm to lead me to the sinks. He turned one on and wet a few wads of paper towel. He tapped at my nose."You're gonna have to get that checked out."

"Okay," I said, feeling a little numb.

Nick looked down at me, his hands resting on my shoulders.

"Eren."

"What?"

"It's gonna get worse," he said. He seemed worried about how I would take that. I almost wanted to laugh.

"That's okay," I said back, smiling. "I'm...finally sick of it."

* * *

Nick and I broke up sometime after the bathroom incident. He said we would have to eventually. He said he still loved me, but long-distance relationships weren't feasible. I told him I couldn't care less.

He took it surprisingly well. Maybe he felt guilty for letting his so-called best friend use me as a punching bag. I didn't care if he did or not.

Levi was talking to me again. I didn't try to ask him what happened. I didn't care at first. But then curiosity set in and I felt like I needed to know.

"Hey," I asked.

"What?" Levi asked. We were at his job again. I watched him brew a cup of green tea quietly.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothing," Levi said. "I was just taking care of some things."

"Oh," I said. Levi glanced over at me.

"What happened to you?"

"I got sick of Jean," I said instead. "I  _am_ sick of Jean."

Levi froze. He glanced around us as if I had said something wrong. There was no one to hear me. We were the only ones here.

"Are you really?" Levi asked.

"Why do you sound surprised?"

"I'm not," Levi said, pursing his lips slightly. "Are you sure?"

"Positive," I said. I didn't know why he was so concerned about that. "Why?"

"Nothing," Levi replied. He paused, leaning against the counter a bit. "Hey."

"Hm?"

"Do you like surprises?" he asked.

"I guess it depends on what it is," I said. "Do you?"

"It depends," he said. I hummed thoughtfully.

"Do you have a surprise for me?" I asked, half-teasingly. Levi scoffed.

"Maybe," he said. He reached over to ruffle my hair. "Don't worry about it."

* * *

Jean stopped coming to school. Nick said he didn't know where he was. He was worried. I was not.

Levi didn't show up for a little bit too. I didn't question it. He told me he was sick and I believed him. He didn't have a reason to lie to me.

"Nick said Jean's missing," I said, drumming my fingers against the counter. I spent more time at Levi's tea shop now. I liked being around him. It felt good.

"Oh," Levi said dully. "His parents have a search party out for him. It's in the newspapers."

"Is it?" I asked. I hadn't read them. "Where do you think he went?"

Levi paused in the middle of stirring his tea.

"I don't know," he said. He looked up at me. "We'll have to wait and see."

We all waited. Nothing happened at first. Then someone found a pair of keys in the woods. Next it was a shoe. The last thing was a mutilated body. It was missing its hands.

Ah, wait.

I meant  _Jean_ was missing his hands.

* * *

There was a group set up for those that were really affected by Jean's murder. The guidance counselors closed up the library for an hour each day and kids would go in and talk about it.

"I think it's fucked up," Levi remarked suddenly. We were eating lunch in the cafeteria.

"Most murders are," I said. Levi rolled his eyes.

"Not that," he said. "Why are those assholes acting like he was some great person? I swear, everyone loves you when you're dead."

I reached for my milk carton and took a small sip.

"Why do you think they cut his hands off?"

"Probably so he couldn't fight back," Levi answered casually. He tossed a chip into his mouth and stared at me.

He knew.

"Someone must've really had something against him," I said.

"He made a lot of enemies."

"Enough to kill him?"

"Maybe," Levi remarked. "People go crazy sometimes."

"You think the guy who did this was crazy?"

"Sure," Levi said. "Had to be to pull it off."

"Hm," I said. "You think he's gonna get caught?"

"No," Levi said. I hummed softly.

"But he left him laying out there like that. Surely they can trace back a piece of hair or something."

"The guy had to be experienced," Levi said. "It couldn't have been his first kill."

I looked him dead in the eye.

"Do you think Jean deserved it?"

Levi narrowed his eyes.

"Everyone deserves everything to a certain extent," he said evenly.

"What about your uncle?" I asked calmly. "Did he deserve what happened to him?"

Levi froze, sandwich halfway to his mouth.

"Yeah," he said. "He did."

That was enough of an answer for me.


End file.
